A realisation about coming out

I am bisexual. I have known this for a few years now, but before I realised this, I came out to my closest friends and my mother as a lesbian. I had to come out twice to these people and I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the significance of my coming out experiences in my life. I’m so comfortable with who I am that coming out to anyone new just feels annoying.

The first person I came out to was my best friend. We were having a discussion about people we think are hot and I said that I like girls. She said she likes girls and guys and then we just talked about attractive people. It literally wasn’t a big deal. When it hit me that I liked boys too, we joked that I had exceptions to the lesbianism until I had the big bisexual realisation and came out again. We spoke openly the whole time and it never affected our friendship.

Then, I came out to my other friend. This was a bit different, because she is straight and her reaction worried me, which is silly because we had been friends for half my life. I told her in the cinema while we were waiting to watch a really cheesy musical and she assured me that it didn’t change anything, before the Ghostbusters theme started playing and we started singing. We soon became comfortable joking that she is my token straight friend as all my other close friends aren’t and we carried on as normal.

The more complicated coming out was my mother. I sat her down and told her. She cried, but said she still loved me and after an uncomfortable few months, we moved on from it. She was as supportive as I could have expected, because I had horror stories running through my mind about being kicked out or disowned. When I told her I’m bisexual, it was Christmas morning the following year and I was drunk. We laugh about it now, I can make passing comments about my sexuality without it becoming awkward and she knows it’s just a part of who I am.

My best friend’s little brother asked me if I would date his sister if I was a lesbian and I told him well actually I am a lesbian (on the side of a road carrying bags of Chinese takeaway back to their house). I had to tell him I’m actually bisexual, so now every time I see him he jokingly asks if I’m still bi or if I’ve changed my mind again. I told my ex boyfriend I am bi while we were walking back from a date at night and I could tell it made him very uncomfortable so I downplayed it to kissing girls while drunk (before feeling uncomfortable for a couple weeks and dumping him). I told some of my work colleagues while drunk on a night out, but I can’t remember who I told and nobody has ever mentioned it again, so I presume they are okay with it.

I link my blog to my personal instagram, as I only have the one account, so if I know you in real life and you are reading this, this is me coming out. I am bisexual and I’m proud of it. Yes, most of my dating experiences have been with men, but that doesn’t change my sexuality or my identity. Maybe you had an idea that I’m not totally straight from the way I told about certain actresses from Game of Thrones (Natalie Dormer was also my facebook header for a year) or maybe from my recent post at the Pride parade in my rainbow jumpsuit with a gay pride flag (not the most subtle hint). I don’t see the point in individually coming out to every single person I know, because yes it is a part of who I am, but it’s not a big deal. Coming out isn’t the same anxiety inducing experience that it used to be. That doesn’t mean it’s not a big deal for me, but it shouldn’t be a big deal to you what my sexual orientation is. It is just another aspect of who I am that makes me stand out as an individual. The same way that my star sign is cancer and I’m a vegetarian who likes cheese too much to commit to being a vegan.

pride 2015
Baby 2015 Alice at Pride for the first time, wearing a top that said “Too Cute to be Straight”

5 Responses

  1. It’s really nice to read about your experience. I first came out to myself as bi – and then later had to come out again as a lesbian, which caused quite a conflict inside of me because I thought that once I had come out I couldn’t just change the label again, haha. It’s interesting that it was the other way around for you! And by now I have of course realised that labels don’t matter ‘that’ much that they will be stuck with you for the rest of your live, in case something ever changes. I’m also glad that your mum didn’t kick you out and that it’s all kind of okay now! Also love that top that says ‘too cute to be straight’ haha!

  2. It’s really nice to read about your experience. I first came out to myself as bi – and then later had to come out again as a lesbian, which caused quite a conflict inside of me because I thought that once I had come out I couldn’t just change the label again, haha. It’s interesting that it was the other way around for you! And by now I have of course realised that labels don’t matter ‘that’ much that they will be stuck with you for the rest of your live, in case something ever changes. I’m also glad that your mum didn’t kick you out and that it’s all kind of okay now! 🙂

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