So, I’ve always had this ideal world in my head that I’m going to go traveling and all of my problems are suddenly going to be fixed. I thought that I would feel better just for a change of scenery and I’ve learned the hard way that this isn’t the case. If I stop and think about how I’m feeling right now, I just start to cry again (which could partly be because I’m on my period). I am working my way through the packets of tissues I left at the bottom of my travel bag that I kept as an emergency toilet tissue stash while I was traveling around Thailand. So here I am in Prague with depression and anxiety.
I wish I had been blogging back in January when I was thinking of my new year resolutions, but unfortunately, I was busy being trapped in an unhappy relationship and I wasn’t putting myself first as much as I should have been. So, looking back at the last year, I’ve been trying to put all the big life changes into perspective and think about all that I have achieved.
I thought today would just be an update of my mental state and to be totally honest, it’s not great for me at the moment.
I have suffered from mental health issues for years and it is something that has affected all areas of my life including work, friends, family, and travel. I love traveling and I would say that it helps my state of mind more than it hinders it, but there are days where you feel depressed and there isn’t anything you can do to “snap out of it” even if you’re in the most beautiful places in the world.
I have always been scared to talk about my depression. I worry that people are just going to think that I’m lazy or that I’m being overemotional or that they won’t take me seriously. I don’t understand my own depression, so how can I expect someone else to. I feel like anxiety is more relatable and accessible to people that don’t have an anxiety disorder, because everyone has felt anxious about something in their life before. I don’t feel like depression can be explained in the same way. Yes the low mood is quite a large part of how depression affects my life, but I’ve been hiding it for a long time so when I tell people that I have actually been feeling empty inside for months they aren’t going to believe me.