A lot has happened in the last 6 months. I’m trying so hard not to dwell on the past in a negative way because what happened has happened and I’m just trying to move forward. The only way I want to look at the past right now is to see how I’ve grown and improved and that’s why I’ve written this post.
It’s been a while since I last posted on my blog and in the name of Blogtober, I am back. Today I’m just going to explain some things that have been going on in my life and have a bit of a mental health chat.
When I went travelling on my own for the first time, one of the most daunting things to me was the airport. The thought of going through the whole process on my own was unthinkable. It’s not that bad but here are some things to consider to help prepare you.
I have suffered from mental health issues for years and it is something that has affected all areas of my life including work, friends, family, and travel. I love traveling and I would say that it helps my state of mind more than it hinders it, but there are days where you feel depressed and there isn’t anything you can do to “snap out of it” even if you’re in the most beautiful places in the world.
This time of the year is unfortunately associated with some bad memories for me and I think about the past a lot, wondering what I would change if I was able to. So I’ve decided to give some advice to my 16-year-old self. Besides not bothering with the haircut.
I am currently signed off sick for my mental health, which was the first step I made towards my self-care. I had stubbornly refused to accept that I wasn’t coping at work and pushed myself to the limit until I wasn’t able to go anymore. It has been a tough journey for me this year, but here are some of the things I’ve learned and the methods I use to try to help myself get better.
Today, I went on a spending spree in Westfield shopping centre in London and I had a lot of fun browsing clothes and trying on different outfits. I wear a size 16 in most UK clothing stores, but sometimes I need a size 14 or a size 18 depending on the store or the item of clothing. I find shopping very difficult at times and it can have a massive effect on my self confidence when I don’t fit into a particular size. It’s for this reason that going to a fitting room can fill me with dread.
I have always been scared to talk about my depression. I worry that people are just going to think that I’m lazy or that I’m being overemotional or that they won’t take me seriously. I don’t understand my own depression, so how can I expect someone else to. I feel like anxiety is more relatable and accessible to people that don’t have an anxiety disorder, because everyone has felt anxious about something in their life before. I don’t feel like depression can be explained in the same way. Yes the low mood is quite a large part of how depression affects my life, but I’ve been hiding it for a long time so when I tell people that I have actually been feeling empty inside for months they aren’t going to believe me.
Ironically I have taken a break from the self care-athon because I’ve had a dip in my mental health and needed some time for self care. I’ve been going for runs, doing face masks and doing all those lovely little self care actions to try to make myself feel better. Honestly, it hasn’t really worked all that well.