A lot has happened in the last 6 months. I’m trying so hard not to dwell on the past in a negative way because what happened has happened and I’m just trying to move forward. The only way I want to look at the past right now is to see how I’ve grown and improved and that’s why I’ve written this post.
I thought today would just be an update of my mental state and to be totally honest, it’s not great for me at the moment.
It’s been a while since I last posted on my blog and in the name of Blogtober, I am back. Today I’m just going to explain some things that have been going on in my life and have a bit of a mental health chat.
I have suffered from mental health issues for years and it is something that has affected all areas of my life including work, friends, family, and travel. I love traveling and I would say that it helps my state of mind more than it hinders it, but there are days where you feel depressed and there isn’t anything you can do to “snap out of it” even if you’re in the most beautiful places in the world.
This time of the year is unfortunately associated with some bad memories for me and I think about the past a lot, wondering what I would change if I was able to. So I’ve decided to give some advice to my 16-year-old self. Besides not bothering with the haircut.
I am currently signed off sick for my mental health, which was the first step I made towards my self-care. I had stubbornly refused to accept that I wasn’t coping at work and pushed myself to the limit until I wasn’t able to go anymore. It has been a tough journey for me this year, but here are some of the things I’ve learned and the methods I use to try to help myself get better.
I have always been scared to talk about my depression. I worry that people are just going to think that I’m lazy or that I’m being overemotional or that they won’t take me seriously. I don’t understand my own depression, so how can I expect someone else to. I feel like anxiety is more relatable and accessible to people that don’t have an anxiety disorder, because everyone has felt anxious about something in their life before. I don’t feel like depression can be explained in the same way. Yes the low mood is quite a large part of how depression affects my life, but I’ve been hiding it for a long time so when I tell people that I have actually been feeling empty inside for months they aren’t going to believe me.
Ironically I have taken a break from the self care-athon because I’ve had a dip in my mental health and needed some time for self care. I’ve been going for runs, doing face masks and doing all those lovely little self care actions to try to make myself feel better. Honestly, it hasn’t really worked all that well.
Learning to me is a really enjoyable experience. I like to learn alone, finding my own information and seeking out knowledge that interests me. Learning in the context of my degree is weird, because going to classes is a massively anxiety inducing experience. I enjoy gaining the knowledge and putting my opinion across in discussions, but I find the pressure of deadlines and grades have too much of an impact on my mental health to enjoy it.